Reflections....

It was a year ago this week when we found out that we were 6 weeks pregnant. I can still feel the emotions that I had. First the SHOCK of "There is NO way that I can be pregnant." I think I told myself that a hundred times. I took 4 pregnancy tests and then went to a 24 hour clinic because I really could not believe it. I remember asking the doctor in the mist of my tears, "are you sure that I am really really pregnant?" And his quick response of YES, you are REALLY pregnant!

Matt and I had 2 totally different reactions to this news. He went to work that day and told EVERYONE! I went to work with my stomach in knots and did not utter a word. I went home and cried because of my shock of this surprise and he came home with flowers and a card ready to celebrate. I love that about him. He was totally my rock during those first few days.

Don't get me wrong...I have always wanted children, and being a mommy has been a dream of mine ever since I was a little girl. It's just that we were not trying for a baby at all, I was in my first year of teaching, we had only been married a little over a year, and getting pregnant was not apart of our "3-5 year plan." But God's plan for our life is far more that I ever dreamed.

Another emotion I felt was just the fear of how can we afford a baby? I also have always wanted to stay home with our children and I just knew I would have to continue to work because after all....it was only my first year to teach. Getting pregnant changed my life. (to say the least). It brought Matt and I so close and so much closer to the Lord together. It made us rely on God with every part of our lives. We prayed together more than ever before and we asked for the prayers of others. God revealed himself to us in so many countless ways and continues to, as I am still staying home with Hudson!

One BIG way He revealed himself was the first Saturday after we found out the news we went to church. At the end of church you can ask for prayers from one of the church ministers. We went to the back and Brent McCall prayed for us. He prayed such an amazing prayer for us and for the baby that was inside of me. He prayed over and over that this baby would be "perfect" in every way. He said the word "perfect" over and over again in his prayer. The word "perfect" stood out and we began to pray for a perfect baby as well. Then our first appointment was the following week. I was still filled with so many different emotions and still questioning God for the timing in our life. The doctor did an examination and we had our first ultrasound.....and his exact words were, "Everything looks perfect." I instantly had tears because Brent's prayer had been going through my mind ever since he prayed it, and then for our doctor to say the word "perfect" (when he could have used any other word)......I knew it was God telling me that everything will be ok, and that this baby is a part of his wonderful plan....I did not question God again after that moment. The word "perfect" came again and again from different people throughout the pregnancy, and each time I felt God just giving me a reminder! Even the day Hudson was born, the pediatrician came in and told us that we had a perfect baby. The joy I felt when those words were spoken cannot be explained in words.

Love, instant love. I remember feeling such a HUGE love for this baby growing inside of me the day that I found out I was pregnant...even with all my fears and uncertainty, I loved our baby. It was a love that I could never explain. Unconditional. I instantly put the baby's life ahead of my own. I was so careful of everything I did. It's amazing how a mother's love comes even before she holds her baby.

And now here we are one year later with our "perfect" baby boy, and I cannot imagine life without him. I also look at him and wonder how I made it all of these years without him. He is the joy of my heart. Every smile, every coo, every new development makes me fall deeper in love with him and with his daddy. Being a mother is the most fulfilling, most wonderful thing in the whole world. So now that I look back over this past year, and these are only a few points, I am reminded of God's love and faithfulness in our lives. I love how being a parent makes you a better person. Daily I strive to be my best for our son.

God continues to reveal his us unconditional love to us as we are embarking on one of life’s greatest journeys.....being parents.