Holton has an announcement to make...

Yes---this picture is true.  We are pregnant with #4.  I still cannot believe it.  This baby has been the SHOCK of my life.  I just thought I was in shock when we got pregnant with Hudson---that experience holds no candle to this little one.  We love this little shocker already, but calling s/he a surprise would not adequately describe the ride we have been on the last few weeks. 


Let me back up...Matt and I always hoped to have 3 kids.  This was the number of children we both came from and we loved how it's still a big, small family--if that makes any sense.  After my last pregnancy with Holton I was D-o-n-e....with a capital D.  It was an extremely difficult pregnancy for me.  I felt like my body had been hit by a truck after all of the weeks of bed rest and my high blood pressure issues.  It has taken me so long to feel like myself again after giving birth to Holton.  Once we had our perfect boy we knew that this was it for us and we had a total peace knowing this was our last baby.  I closed the door to that chapter of my life and fully committed myself to raising our 3 babies.  (I've donated most baby stuff and ALL maternity clothes).  Since Holton was our last baby I can honestly say I have eaten that boy UP this last year.  We all have.  I did not want a moment to pass where I wasn't living in the moment.  After all he was my baby---my last baby.  This information following might be a tad TMI, but you know---it is what it is and it's our story.  Once we knew that 3 kids was it for us we decided to have it set in stone.  Matt had a vasectomy in February of last year.  I was on birth control up until November---after all you can't be too careful you know.

I suffer from migraines.  I have as long as I can remember.  I wanted to finally get treated for them and the first thing she recommended to me was to quit taking birth control.  The added hormones weren't good for me.  We had gone far and beyond the time that we were recommended after Matt's V, and so I gladly got off the pill in November.

December comes and goes---we get pregnant and have no clue.

January 17, 2012---A day that my world as I knew it, planned for it to be, was completely turned upside down and shaken all around.  That little pregnancy stick turned PINK and it turned PINK instantly.  Oh I wonder what my face looked like at that moment.  PURE, TOTAL, RAW, UNBELIEVABLE SHOCK.  "How could this happen???  What on earth did Matt NOT have a vasectomy nearly a year ago?  Did I not just have a baby?  4 KIDS...I'm still figuring out life with 3!  Holton just turned 1 last week!"  You cannot imagine the thoughts that went through my mind (and still do).  There were lots and lots of tears.  Not tears of "this cannot be happening"  or "we don't want this baby."---please don't for a minute think those thoughts ever occurred.  That could not be further from the truth.  This baby is loved and wanted.  My tears were tears of shock and being overwhelmed with the idea of 4 kids....but mainly the shock of having 2 babies so close in age.  And if I am being honest tears of 'will I be able to do this?---this being can I survive another pregnancy as well as 2 babies under 2.

Matt was out of town when I found out.  I knew he was busy so I text him "I need you to call me now."  It wasn't but a few seconds and the phone rings.  I shared the news with him.  I was a teary mess talking to him.  He was his normal sweet, encouraging self.  "Allison, we can do this.  This baby was a part of God's plan from the very beginning.  We started our family with a surprise and now we are finishing with a surprise.  It's going to all be ok."  This man is the most optimistic, kindest, loving man that has ever lived.  There is no way I could have 3 kids much less 4 without him by my side.  He is my rock.

So here we are a little over 8 weeks pregnant.  Due mid September.  I have been sick-as-a-dog.  Never felt nausea like this in-my-life.  I am the most exhausted that I've ever felt.  I pray that this is all short-lived.  When you throw the joys of the first trimester along with having to continue life with 3 kids---let me tell you, life is a challenge right now.

It's been a soul-searching journey so far, and I am sure it will continue to be.  One thing that I have learned is that God's plans trump your own...period.  While we did everything on our part to prevent this from happening, God said "I'm not finished with that Mullins clan."---and he said that loud and clear.  If that isn't a faith builder, I don't know what is.

One of my sweet friends wrote me during that first week after we found out.  These were her words....."Allison, You can't doubt this baby is from God!! Just imagine.... His/her life is sooo important God overrode your plans with His!!! I get goosebumps thinking about it!! What will they do that is so important??? I can't wait to see!!!"

It was that e-mail that my heart started to change.  While many had voiced that same type of statement to me, it was seeing those words on the computer screen that tears filled my eyes and I knew that it is a privilege to be chosen to have this baby.  I realized that I can't worry about what will this pregnancy be like, will I have bed rest again, can I raise 4 children, what about our house not being suited for a family of 6....???  I realized that all of those questions were silly and that I have to TRUST in God's plans for our family.  And that gives me peace.  It is when I remember He sees the bigger picture that I am able to rest in His plans.  That is much easier said than done, and my goodness am I ever a work in progress.  

I have some of the most precious friends in my life who have been such an encouragement to me.  They have cried with me understanding full well how I feel....because after all they did walk my last pregnancy with me.  And while everyone does see the big picture and knows this baby is no doubt a wonderful blessing from God....they get where my tears come from, have listened to me, and have been such great friends to me.  Their prayers and encouragement have been such a blessing.  Our family is over the moon excited.  Everyone thinks, "why not have one more....bring on the grandbabies"  HA.  I am thankful for their joy and support.  Goodness knows we could not do it without our family.  I have a friend in my Tuesday Bible study group that got pregnant with a surprise last year.  I have loved talking to her because she felt very much the same way I do and her honesty has been the best thing for me.  And now seeing her hold her baby girl that was not a part of their 'plan' makes me certain when this little #4 comes along we'll never know how we lived so long without her/him. 

Look who can stand now!!!  He all of the sudden has gotten so brave standing on his own and even taking a few steps.  I suspect in the next month or so we'll have us a walker.

 

We plan on telling Hudson and Harper tonight.  (Holton was the first to find out)....HA!  I'm so excited to tell them.  I know they'll be so excited.  I'll have to share their reactions in another blog post.  I had a doctors appointment this morning.  It is so surreal going back there knowing I am doing this all over again.  When they showed us our little one on that screen with that beating heart, I knew then that 1---this was for real (I was a tad bit in denial), and 2---that this baby is a miracle straight from God himself and I feel honored that God chose me to be his or her mommy.  

I ask for your prayers.  Please pray for my health.  Pray that Holton's pregnancy was just a fluke and that this one goes well.  Please pray for this little miracle.  Please pray for a healthy baby.  In the end that is all that matters.  I appreciate your prayer so very much!

Love, Allison